i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
