There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
