so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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