: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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