I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
