Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
