We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
