Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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