we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
