My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
