All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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