I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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