she woke up with a sticky ear
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
