so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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