you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
