I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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