she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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