Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize