haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
