I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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