this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
