why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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