I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
