Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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