you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
