all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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