Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize