Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
