please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize