That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
