Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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