Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
