just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize