Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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