Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
