So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize