shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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