one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize