He is like the real live version of the state fair..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
