He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think I just shit out all my problems.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
