I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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