he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
