Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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