I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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