Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
