Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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