walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
