We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
