I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
