maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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