He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
