Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
