Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
