I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Come on in and take your pants off
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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