You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
