I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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