Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize