I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
