Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sorry about my life...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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