I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got inside last night via doggy door
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