Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He did a backflip because drugs
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