we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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