why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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