that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize