his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize