How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
