I just saw a hot homeless man
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
