I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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