Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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