You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
