Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
