Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
