Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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