Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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