I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
