I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
