she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
