she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize