Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
