haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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