Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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