You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
