mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Randomize
