I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
