Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
