who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
