found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
