She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
