He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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