Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize