i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
