Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
