why didn't you poke me back
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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