I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
