my vag is so smooth its legendary
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
