'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
