i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
